THE PARADOX OF PORN
NOTES ON GAY MALE SEXUAL CULTURE
BY DON SHEWEY
Pornography is integral to gay male culture: obsessively consumed and almost never discussed, it is the shamefaced step-child of desire and the imagination. Don Shewey’s The Paradox of Porn is a smart, acutely observed, and beautifully argued analysis of what gay porn means to gay men, and, by extension, the state of sexual culture in America today. Moving between the lived experience of watching porn and what it means psychologically, aesthetically, ethically, and socially, Shewey excites the reader to think about porn – and culture – in new ways.
“The Paradox of Porn is the best book about pornography, the lives and imaginations of gay men, and state of erotic gay culture written to date.” – Michael Bronski, author of A Queer History of the United States
Almost all gay men look at pornography almost every day, whether it’s commercial clips on XTube, handheld homemade videos on Tumblr blogs, or pic-swapping on hook-up apps. Yet we almost never talk about what we watch, what it means, what we like and don’t like. When porn is discussed publicly, it’s often addressed as a problem related to addiction, dysfunction, or exploitation. We nod our heads thoughtfully . . . and then go home and pleasure ourselves to whatever version of porn currently entertains us.
To understand the siren call of pornography, it’s important to consider both what’s valuable and what’s problematic about this alluring form of entertainment. In our heart of hearts, gay men know that pornography has played a special role in our sex lives. It has taught us what desire between two men looks like; it has helped us figure out what turns us on; it has supported us in not feeling so alone; it has gotten us through times of loneliness and isolation, disease and disconnection; and it has contributed to many pleasurable orgasms. At the same time, the images from porn that are now ubiquitous in our lives have shaped and often distorted our ideas about what sex is, what normal bodies look like, how people make connections, and how we feel about ourselves. It has been hugely liberating and hugely oppressive. And that’s the paradox of porn.
In The Paradox of Porn, author and pleasure activist Don Shewey explores theories, ideas, and observations that emerged from a combination of personal experience, teaching workshops, broad reading, and twenty years’ private practice as a sex therapist. This is not a scholarly treatise but an informed, opinionated, open-ended, sometimes extremely graphic meditation on the topic of pornography and its impact on gay male sexual culture. This book speaks to anyone who wants to explore and expand their understanding of the impact pornography has had in their lives.
The Paradox of Porn by Don Shewey
Publication date: June 15, 2018
Paperback, $19.99, 978-1-7321344-0-9
E-book, $4.99, 978-1-7321344-1-6
224 pages